Where do I begin to tell my weight story? For as long as I can remember, I have thought that I was fat. I’ve always been bigger than the little twig girls that you see and that difference, in my head, made me think that I was fat. Now, if you go back and you look at pictures of me as a kid, of pictures of me as recent as a few years out of high school and you’ll know that what my mind saw was very different than the body that I had. I was an active child, always playing sports, always walking somewhere, always riding my bike, always exploring. As I entered high school, my activity level started to slow down, but still I was active enough with all that I was doing that the weight didn’t pile on. During my twenties it slowly started to creep and then when my mother died it felt like all I did was eat. I eat to combat stress. I eat to make myself feel better. I eat when I’m overly happy and I eat when I’m sad. I eat to celebrate. I eat to drown sorrows. I eat when I’m bored and I eat when I’m depressed. I eat to keep myself awake and I eat to keep myself motivated. All the very wrong answers for eating. Eating is a necessary part of life, but it’s only real purpose is to fuel our body. To give our cells the energy that they need to function. It won’t give you a hug. It won’t make you laugh. It won’t lend a supportive word. It will pack pounds on your hips and clench your heart. The sad part for me is that the more weight I gain, the more discouraged I get about losing it. I think some people see a number on a scale and think, holy hell, I need to get that down. And though I have moments of that, I mostly see that number and think, what the hell is the point? So, we have the unhealthy relationship with food. We have the discouragement that the number presents and we have a recipe for disaster. That’s where I’m coming from. That’s where I am. I can’t wait to see what will happen when I stick to this program. Maybe food will be put back into its proper place. Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.
My January One Thing
One of the things that I really need to change when it comes to my problem with over eating
is the constant need to be chewing something while I’m watching tv. Television is a destructive hobby that I’ve indulged in for way too long. It’s not productive. So, the one thing that I’m going to focus on this month is to not sit in front of the television except for Friday laundry nights and other times that are pre-planned. No more wasted time this way. The added bonus of not doing this is that I won’t be eating. And as far as eating is concerned. No eating in front of the tv, unless it’s popcorn (unbuttered) on tv night.
Move More, Eat Well is a class designed by Cathy Zielske for Big Picture Classes. For more information, go here.